I sit and stare at this blank canvas, wondering what to write of a bond stronger than anything, a love that can never be compared to.
Rationality versus emotional – I do not know what to make out of this that is happening to me. Am I supposed to feel guilty that I am spending more time with him, than my mum; or am I supposed to feel angry at her for making me feel that way?
Human emotions are such complicated matters, and especially when one cannot identify the root of all these emotional turmoil. We envision an ideal setting where three of us sit down to dinner together, go on a trip together, include one another in our activities – in reality, I try to initiate dinner, only to be written off as, “I don’t want you to force yourself to have dinner with me, forget it!”
I do not want to go through her stages of denial, hurt and acceptance that she has to let go of her daughter some day – when we sleep in seperate bedrooms, when I decide to move out…will it be more cruel to tell her straight in the face, or to keep fighting every weekend?
Every weekend I balance a scale of happiness(s) – mum’s, mine, and his. Every weekend we all fight for our own happiness, we fight for time to spend with one another. Every weekend I make a selfish decision to make my mum unhappy.
Can’t keep going through this.
Why can’t you be happy that I finally found someone whom I’m really happy with, or will you only be truly happy when I’m 100% by your side?
