Filed under: Rhyme & Riddle, Two Cents' Worth | Tags: new year, reflections, thoughts
6 months later, I’m back dusting off cobwebs off my blog.
6 months later, I’m home wiping off the dust that has settled on my shelves.
6 months later, I’m at another cross-junction
Reconsidering; thinking; weighing options; hesitating at the leap forward.
It is the new year, 12 years past the millenium. Every year is a reflection, of my achievements and my life’s milestones. Too often time has flown by without my knowledge, when I was too busy running the rat race to fully appreciate what I can offer to myself. Where’s the music, the prose, the words that spin the yarn of life? Where’s my time, my soul, my hideout where inspiration flows?
So what’s 2012? A planned year, a charted path. An unexplored territory within the depths of my heart. The usual routine, challenges and hurdles, some wonderful memories, some painful ones. A dive into cold spring waters, penning my own chapter, riding my own wave.
Filed under: Lifestyle, Two Cents' Worth | Tags: barbecue, holidays, life, plan, things to do, weekend getaways
I get this too often: “Hey you are quite happening huh, always looking like you have a fabulous time every weekend” or “Just how many times do you travel??”
It does get frustrating, especially when people think all you do is to play all day long…as if you do not deserve it. It is amazing how quickly people judge – come into office with a sunkissed look and people immediately think you are a beach bum who spends her days under the sun without doing any work.
I digressed. Instead of sitting back and being envious of all of us who “enjoy life, leh”, it is also time to consider the following:
1. You have reached the age where you cannot party hard on Fridays and Saturdays and expect to bounce outdoors the next morning. Your body will probably want to hide under the covers till 3pm on a brilliant weekend instead.
2. You feel that your weekends should be plans-free and hence decide to plan your day around your mood instead. Being the night owls most of us are, chances are you will probably wake up at 11am earliest and spend the next 4 hours planning brunch/lunch, getting there and sitting through a lovely lazy day. Before you know it, it’s 5 in the evening, time for beers!
3. Weekends in Singapore can get really boring after a while. How much can you eat, drink and shop…and keep this routine up every week?
Weekend getaways include local hotel stays (well you can bounce and frolic on the hotel bed, opt for cocktail lounges and buffet breakfasts to keep yourselves occupied); Batam (hotel stays, beach resorts, seafood and cable-ski park); Malaysia (food trips to Malacca, Penang, city roams in Kuala Lumpur); Phuket (sun, sand, sea, massage); Indonesia’s private islands and more. What’s there NOT TO DO?
4. Barbecues.
There is nothing more satisfying than organising a barbecue. Raid the supermarkets, wash, chop, cut, marinate, skewer the food and do not forget the Wii and beers. Gone are the days of eating sand in between your East Coast sausages and cheap-looking crabsticks. Say hello to home barbecues with wagyu beef, garlic buttered king prawns, home-made beef patties and endless satays. Start playing “99 bottles, standing on the wall” when you think you have accumulated too many Heinekens – have fun.
Long hours are going to be here to stay during the work week anyway, so make full use of the weekends for your dose of fun – planned, of course.
Filed under: Two Cents' Worth | Tags: 30, Maslow, reflection, self-actualization, thirty
There is a reason why they called thirty the big THREE. Most of us twenty-somethings backpedal as quickly as we can before thirty arrives on its fateful day. Why, is it because we feel that 30 marks the official adult point, or do we feel an impending sense to justify how we have lived almost half our lives so far?
The twenty-something is an interesting phase that everybody goes through, particularly in the journey towards 30. We question, we think, we feel, we desire – at things we have been doing but never felt quite right about, whether we ought to continue, at the possibility of changing our entire lives from the point of big 3. We went through the period of asking people what we should do, what is best for us. We are in the process of proving ourselves as what society deems us to be, we attempt to carve a niche for ourselves but to some, it will seem like a daunting task meant for the insane or courageous.
The period of self-dissonance (ie. conflict within the self but whether recognizable, it depends) lasts two, three or more years, translating into actions that only be feebly explained by, “I felt like I had to do it/ I felt that there is no better time for this to happen.” Lawyers left their professions to open boutique hotels, F&B outlets, their own pet shops; bankers became fashion designers, accountants decide to embark on a journey to Nirvana. Countless of stories.
Consider this as Generation X (post-war period) wring their hands and tsk-tsked at our impetuous irrational decisions. The post-war period was all about survival, when Singapore did not have an identity and being bankers, lawyers, accountants and doctors were all that people knew about having “good jobs.” There was no room to think, to mull and to ponder over the non-important factors, just to earn cold hard cash and make sure there’s enough to feed oneself and the family.
It is thanks to the Generation X that we Generation Y people (growing up in the 80s) get to sit back and smell the spicy frangipanis that our dearest parents have planted in their journey to survive. It took a cycle for Maslow to come around and prove his theory right – we were soon dissatisfied with fulfilling our basic needs, and the need for self-actualization kicks in as society progresses and prospers. Self-actualization manifests in many forms, sometimes beyond recognition nor explanation.
There are those people who feel a general sense of discomfort but cannot pinpoint what and where the problem lies in, so they go get themselves a new job, a new girlfriend or a new car. “I felt like I just had to, you know” was the common answer when they were asked why they did it.
Then there are those people who are torn between what they have been doing all this while, and doing something they love, but never had the courage to do it. They don’t know if they will succeed pursuing their dreams, or simply sticking to something they know so well and pays the rent anyway. So they embark on hobbies, complain a little, have great little ideas that they scribble on scraps of paper that perhaps someday, when they are ready, may manifest into a little business.
Then there are the cliff jumpers who radically change their lives, and discover a concoction of passion, the right environment, extremely good timing, work that never seems to feel like work, a perfect fit in all senses – then it becomes one of those magical sensation of finally saying, “This is what I have always set out to do, I have come to it at last.” There are many examples, such in the case of Janice Wong from 2am:dessert bar, Swee in Soho7 Bar & Bistro…where they form realms of which they have control of, they create their world in those realms and build a tribe/following who share and ignite the same passions. The smile that spreads across Janice’s and Swee’s faces when you talk to them reveals the deep passion that lies within all of us to do something that we are meant to do, but whether or not it manifests somehow depends on whether the stars are rightly aligned for you.
I had someone told me today, “Do not fear in how you search for money, let money come find you.” In the world of too many distractions and a constant dollar chase today, there is almost no room for questions. It is even harder to find people who think and generate content in their own perspectives, rather than clicking hundreds of “Like” buttons as they crawl through the Internet.
At the end of this self-discovery journey, many of us will probably not end up pursuing our dreams, but we come away stronger and clearer of ourselves as a special someone in the universe, unique in our own thoughts and appreciated in our own way. But if we were so lucky to be able to arrive at self-actualization, it is a promise that delivers an intangible, unexplained feeling that could move you to tears when you finally arrive at it.
So in the meantime, enjoy that dissonance before it slips away.
Filed under: Two Cents' Worth
I’m back (am I?) to the writing slate, thinking of the last time I properly penned down a substantial non-work paragraph was a good six months ago.
The boyfriend and I have an ongoing joke, about his decadent circle of rich banker-type colleagues versus my colorful quirky flock of eccentric artists. Part of me really wonders if deep down inside, all I wanted to do is to produce art – in the form of original constructed sentences, music, creating things…instead of plodding along the rat race alongside with others who seem to sprint ahead faster without falling short of breath.
I entertained the thought of properly mastering the keyboard, as an extension to my rusty piano technique. That was an excuse to my secret inner desire to abandon work and hold acoustic performances at watering holes, pretending I have a voice of Avril Lavigne.
More than likely, I probably discovered that nobody gives a flying hoot about your life and will not help you achieve your work-life balance unless you do it yourself.
Returning to the digital realm of stories and free-form writing reminded me that play time still exists…maybe it’s time to buy play-doh and create yummy looking food!
But I write, only for pleasure – the type that tickles the sides of your mouth so that you twitch; the type that leaves you with a sigh of silent joy after you finish a cup of Gong Cha.
The one with 3 jellies, of course.
Filed under: Two Cents' Worth
Once again, a tad too late, I decided to review 2010. It is funny how we look back only on the last few days of the year, never realising how time has flown past us as the sun rises and sets in front of our very eyes. We trudge through the day, never seeing the sun rise, never seeing it set. Arising from our slumber when it is still dark, exiting office when it turns dark.
On yet another play-repeat mode, 2010 was an eventful year for me. Just like 2009, 2008, 2007…what’s new? Life seems to unfold into a drama wherever I put myself to be. Some say I’m good energy, others say I’m simply mad. I have a wonderful man to stabalize me each time I propel myself towards either extreme like an Indian ball, designed to bounce really high and smack hard onto the ground.
Back to 2010. A shift in direction, a reorganisation. A change in structure, a step out into the private realm. 3 months of blundering and tears, wondering if it is all a good fit; another 3 months of hard work thrown into the deep end of the pool. Another bout of tears, wondering if it is all worth it.
So I begin 2011 with one single resolution: No job is worth losing loved ones in the process. Never to let my job take over my life, and knowing that a job is just a job at the end of the day.
Maybe I will include a tiny 2nd resolution: Lose some weight.
Filed under: Two Cents' Worth
We often lament how it never rains but pours. In the past month, I have experienced one too many changes to call it any comforting, perhaps to the point beyond exciting, even tiring – but hey, that’s the allure and satisfaction of having change in one’s life, isn’t it?
I recognize that till April, I have sort of settled into a routine: work, gym, home, go online, meet a friend or two for dinner and catch up. Sounds like pretty good, with lovely weekends to look forward to with the man and yummy food to indulge in.
Then May came by in a blur, with the crazy moving in to Centrepoint for the man, getting the apartment home-ready, shopping for furniture, getting used to the pace of life. I moved in bit by bit, and found myself doing a half-half stay, half the week at home, half the week at Centrepoint. And boy, I have a love-hate relationship with this arrangement. I love that I come home and wake up next to the one I love, that we both are trying out a new phase in our relationship, that it is right smack in town and I cannot ask for any more convenience than what we enjoy now, that I can live by my own house rules. I hate that my things are all over the place, that I do not know where my clothes have disappeared to (they are either here or there), that I have two of everything, that my mum is constantly giving me grief.
And just like that, change has came and is here to stay.
My time spent on my personal computer decreased drastically, because there are mini chores to iron out and pottering around to settle into the room while I’m over at Centrepoint; whatever precious minutes I have left I spend it talking with the man, reading the bible, checking up on travel plans. While I’m home I pick up more household chores and spend it pacifying the mum, and constantly creating packing lists to make sure I have enough clothes and accessories at both homes.
I thought to myself, this is damn tiring.
In my pursuit for excitement in life, I have come to realise that time is a precious commodity that slips by so easily, just like sand. I clamour for my own time only to find it in my exercise regime, which will fast become last priority should I succeed in moving industries. The question here, I often posed to myself and found the answer: To change and get bowled over with the many adjustments I have to deal with and potential risks in my relationships with people; or to settle into my currently comfortable routine, not learn anything and enjoy a somewhat peaceful life?
You readers ought to know what I have chosen. For the life of me, I still ask myself…why why why.
Filed under: Two Cents' Worth
It has been eons since I last wrote on this blog, and I suddenly remember why I started a blog in the first place. A sanctuary to fill it up with words and almost no pictures, it becomes a break from my normal day to day writing at work, on Polkadot Monsters, feature writing etc. And like my close friends like to say, “Viv is a word-whore.” – that, I am.
The beauty of writing without injecting visuals in between your paragraphs is akin to writing a book. You weave a story and work on the imagination of your readers, and spin off descriptions that speak to their visual nodes in theb rain. Emotions become more acute without the distraction of a photo or video, and enables your readers to tune in to what the story remembers, and feels.
Given the way communications have evolved in today’s digital age, the beauty of words take a backseat. Magazine and newspaper editors tell you to “cut, cut, cut” simply because readers read it for information – you have to capture their attention in the short 10-second span that you have. Press releases – short, concise, straight to the point – editors have no time. Advertisements – short, crisp, attention grabbing – because your viewers are walking, they have only 3-seconds to read, register and carry out your intended course of action. Too many words to describe a sensation? Use a picture, create a video, do something that stands out from the clutter of words…do WITHOUT WORDS.
And for a “word whore” like me, I appreciate photos with apt captions and copy, but try as I might, I cannot sit down to a video, unless its description convinces me that its worth my while watching. I’d rather be reading, writing or laughing over a comic strip, but videos require that extra effort on my part to commit five minutes of attention to it, while I can safely multi-task while dealing with words.
The little devil sitting on my left shoulder would fan the flames of snootiness I steer myself so carefully away from. I hold a hidden contempt for those who scoff at long passages of words and entertain themselves with television, movies and videos; it defines the ones with class apart from the ones who are but crass.
Filed under: Two Cents' Worth
Writing the occasional article for Funkygrad and coming up with topics for a twice/thrice weekly post on Polkadot Monsters has kept my muse alive and racing on the treadmill the past week. Listing out a whole list of hobbies and what I love to do, the top two ranked riding & writing, followed by travel and exercise.
For there is nothing that makes one feel more alive than churning out of fresh content, generation of ideas and watching a domino effect formed when a group of like-minded people get together. Stuck in a country who has difficulty driving the creative industry and amongst people who are nestled way too deep in their comfort zones of clockwork and old ways, one has to fight to stay abreast and keep her mind thinking, probing, pondering, curious.
It is a weird sensation going through the earlier part of 2010. Coming to a standstill in a major part of my life and struggling to get it lifted and soaring again; watching what you created from scratch being taken away from you; unraveling the beauty and horrors of human nature; watching ‘hope’ melt away in the cracks of the politics pavement – I lost myself in a turmoil of raw emotion, anger, disappointment, relief, hope, optimism.
…and I ran into another closed door. Not a wall, for I believe that God would have lifted me above those walls when I try to scale them, and provide a key for me to search for and open that closed door. All these abstract sentences, they seemingly make no sense, but tell my story the way I interpret.
Each time I listen to you, I miss the flurry of things. I miss driving a project, I miss brainstorming with a group who embrace and add on to the Christmas tree of ideas, I miss loving what I do.
Right now I can only give thanks to those who have kept me sane – to the Lord with His plans, to you who complete my life, to the darlings who kept me alive and passionate about the things we do, to writing for it has kept my muse running the marathon of thoughts.
Filed under: Beauty & Health, Two Cents' Worth | Tags: happiness, Maslow, money
There have been noble sayings that happiness cannot be bought. Whist the rich scorn the poor for their frugal ways and scoff at what they lack, the ones with their pockets lined with dollars are at the mercy of discontentment, loneliness and what have you. Happiness exists in intangible terms – of love, content, satisfaction, undescribable joy, warmth etc. Money gives you the means to purchase a route or shortcut to achieve these, and here’s how money can buy you happiness (indirectly, of course):
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs addresses the psychological state of content and happiness a person feels upon fulfilment of his various needs. We begin first with the base level – of food, shelter, sleep, sex etc.
With money, I don’t have to eat economical rice (stalls that allow you to pick three types of dishes with a bowl of white rice) that costs me $2.80 each day. At the rate we are penalised to eat healthy these days (when getting a salad from Subway requires you to add in an additional $3 for more shredded lettuce; when opting for a juice blast costs you $8 more than home-made ice lemon tea), it makes more sense to spend a mere $100 on a plate of sushi, another $10 on salad and lo behold!
Too ugly and can’t get laid? Money solves it instantly. Snap your fingers, drive your flashy car with your top down (and sunnies up on your nose) and the girls will come. Just gotta promise them their Pradas, LVs and Louboutins.
With money, friends will flock to you to provide their entertainment, and in return they bestow upon you their fabulous company, laughter and shared drunken stupour. Girls will dangle from your arm, like a Prada bag accessory…you feel like you are at the top of the world.
The roof over the top of your head need not be the HDB, where prices soar and never get justified enough. I could live on the Nautique Nautilus very easily, drive to work everyday – and go home to a weekend getaway daily.
Decadence aside, I wondered out loud to my other half whether dating would be as pleasant if we were earning less. It would be, but money makes it easier to purchase a more luxurious sort of life which we both could then enjoy. Nice restaurants, occassional martinis and holidays, cable-skiing every weekend and what not. That would not have been possible if he was drawing a monthly salary of S$3,000.
It would have been less agonizing with our pockets full of cash; or sitting in accounts waiting to be spent. There will be no necessity to be stuck in a job we hate yet are bound to simply because it pays the bills. Drop the shackles, and one is free to pursue his or her dream job.
Perhaps, you could very well buy happiness with money.
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The author believes that happiness is of an intangible value, for there can be no happiness without satisfaction. The rich will always hanker a better life than what they have, and they will never stop at the amount they have at present.
Happiness stems from satisfaction, gratification and a sense of fulfillment all found in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs addressed earlier. Money makes life a little easier, but whether it could buy you happiness – she will leave that thought with you.
In the midst of clearing my mailbox, I received one of those inspirational powerpoints forwarded by my aunt, one of those many mailers one often sees about living a better life, cherishing those around you and stop by to smell the roses. The sort that makes you reflect a second, and continue your chase for the forbidden carrot in life. The kinds that make you tear a moment, but you quickly forget about them.
It was titled, “When my time comes.” In summary, it spoke of time that flew by while we lived our lives built on success, milestones, and celebrations. It questioned the constant rat race we find ourselves running, and at one’s final breath, asked: was it all worth it?
So, they said: to have felt love, to travel, to bask in the warmth of friendship and family ties, to look at nature’s wonders, to see the great marvels of the world and it’s history…that’s living a fulfilling life. When my time comes, I will be surrounded by loved ones on my deathbed, probably flying off to heaven in the midst of doing my favourite thing, or drift off to eternal sleep with my loved one in my arms, right?
There is no need to reflect when “my time comes” for me to go. This is my time, for each minute, each day I spend breathing and living.
This is my time – when I do what I love, and I heed not the rest who think I ought to be earning more money.
This is my time – when I love and discover I am loved in return. I am now transformed into a woman so mushy it makes my hair stand; I spend a great deal of happy times with the man in my life.
For what other time there is, but the chance to travel when you have the means to (not in luxury, but enough) and fit enough to conquer the mountains and ride the waves? What better time for me is there while I still have the energy to walk for hours and enjoy the body of a 25-year old, complete with a tan I can boast of, legs strong enough to carry me through the boulevards of Europe. the ruins of Asia and stuff my seemingly bottomless stomach with the spoils of nature?
I have not lived my entire life with such gusto, charged with emotions and optimism every day of the year. There are disappointments, frustrations and incessant whinings, of which most of those beside me will dearly have loved to strangle my neck for.
This is my time – of long term plans and finding the sunshine in the darkest hours of my life;
This is my time – of decisions I want not to have regrets;
This is my time – (to be completed every other day)
Because “When my time comes” is too damn far away.
Filed under: Two Cents' Worth | Tags: 2010, blessing, Love, new year, reflection
A decade has passed, and I am ten years older.
When one was 15 years old back then, we often wished we could grow up quickly, see the world for ourselves, earn money to buy the pretty clothes we wanted. Now that I am 25, the years gone by are but another year of experiences, reflections and life’s lessons.
It was a quiet one this year, when we ushered 2010 in.
Ten years – I have had my fair share of fun, friends, sports and downturns; I went through phases of happiness and despair; I was a band geek, I basked in the glory of winning sports teams, I gritted my teeth through those exams; I partied till dawn, I studied through the nights, I travelled, I wrote, I learnt to love, fell out of love, and fell in love.
In ten years, I’ve witnessed birth and death up close.
Ten years ago, I attended my mum’s cousin’s wedding. Ten years later, I attended my friends’ weddings.
–
Let us not count the decade that passed us by, but upon the same notion, let us count our blessings and the joys that 2010 and beyond will bring.
I stepped into 2010 on a sombre note, remembering how I had neglected to turn up at gatherings, outings and catch-up sessions in view of work, exhaustion and exercise. This 2010 I resolved to play catch-up as much as I can, considering how five years fly by before I see anyone of those who were once close to me. As the harsh reality of the world sets in, I came to realise how some tend to befriend you only if you bring value to them; upon losing that – the friendship terminates…like a contract, is it not?
It was extremely heart-warming to see the your friends ease into the next phase of their lives as a married couple. More joyous occassions call for the celebratory champagne when my god-sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. They named him Caleb, a name which I thought was absolutely perfect for him.
It was an experience going through knee surgery, to be dependent and stuck at home for a whole month and beginning from scratch – to walk, to balance, to stride, to run. The feeling of being back on water and soaring through air was worth the $18,000 that my right knee is now worth. It was another (if I may add, traumatic) experience watching a loved one in a fatal accident, with a slow but sure recovery that makes me forever thankful that I still have him by my side as good as new.
There is suddenly so much to treasure and love in life. I’ve discovered a richness in life that I have never felt before, and I finally, learned to stop chasing and enjoy God’s miraculous work. For the longest time I was ill at ease with myself, wondering how best I could fit in, how quickly I could mark my first success, how insecure I really felt deep down inside.
It does not mean that I could make a sweeping statement by declaring I’ve achieved nirvana. But a step forward I did take, a layer that has been peeled back and I now see clearly – ever so slightly. Ahead of me is a path filled with promise, hope and everlasting joy – pleasures I discover in the simple acts of what I do, who I love, and who I cherish in my life.
And with this I close my chapter on 2009, and ride 2010 with a high that I will always want to have in my life.
It is almost interesting to notice how much my life revolves around the subject of “love” these few months, ever since I entertained the prospect of opening my heart up to someone else again.
The idea of “love” is stereotypically romantic, shot through the heart by an imagined Cupid in his diapers and feathery-white wings. The first thought of “love” sends hearts racing, palms sweating and spine-tingling moments. “Love” holds its dearest association with fiery passion, lustful highways that the eyes travel, fierce intimacy and drowning in ecstasy.
It is these stereotypes and common associations that I find myself hinged unto, when I embarked on my collection of “Love Stories from Yesterday” – my affair with the rickshaw man, prostitution in early Singapore and what have you not. I tread precariously between cheeky and suggestive, versus safe and propaganda. I turn the old fogeys into something sexy – I ask, “I Love Museums, Do you?”
I am your walking epitomy of why museums aren’t your boring slush of artefacts. It feels terribly narcissitic saying that, when I try to convince you that one can meet the smartest, sexiest, girl of your dreams in the museums – not your Friday nightclub hangouts. Okay, granted – there are hot chicks every Friday night but you can be sure to get the intellectual one in museums, at least that’s what I hope.
So begins the “I Love Museums” campaign, a seemingly 8-month march awareness campaign, to release a new branding that begins internally and externally. A phrase which I hope will be at the tip of everybody’s tongue – I Love Museums with your own talk-back – here’s why, here’s how, do you? A simple branding which I aim to pepper around Singapore, a message so in your face that you cannot ignore it.
“Love” takes on a different mask with each individual. I imagine the lover slip his arms around my waist as we immerse ourselves in an exhibition. Fuzzy, warm.
I imagine the sway of her hips and the echo of her heels on the wooden floor, his eyes never leaving her tush. Sexy, inviting.
I imagine the quickened breathing as he pulled her into a dark corner, and she clung on to his neck as their lips found each other’s. Exciting, exhilarating.
I remember the graceful walk down the aisle, her face shining with happiness as she parts from her father’s side to join her husband hand-in-hand as they exchanged their vows. Happiness, satisfaction, peace.
And there’s more.
